Make I no lie give you: July so far

Hello there! How is it with you? Me, I’m great! Well, it’s a Monday morning so I’m trying to be as enthusiastic as possible. Generally sef, I’m trying to be a more positive and optimistic person but honestly, I’m good.

So I haven’t written anything in a long time so today I want to do a sort of tell all, where I tell you all. So anywhere it’s been I think about a week or more since I wrote and I must say I have had quite the journey with all sorts of highs and lows so let me start with the lows so we can have a happy ending .

Alright so, if you read the previous posts I was really going through some down time in my thoughts because I kept feeling like I wasn’t doing enough for my friends, for God, for the people that needed me to do things. I felt so sad and doubtful and it was eventually morphing into this intense self-loathing. I was at the bottom of the road and really just questioning God on what he had said

But then do you know what happened, I was in a prayer meeting and though I had made up my mind to just pray and not to waste time there, I was just so frustrated and tired, I was tired of struggling with God about who was right so I just gave it up and said I was sorry, and I accepted some things I had been struggling with, issues of trust and such and that was when help started to materialise.

That same day, I felt God leading me to another prayer meeting which I was not particularly interested in going into because I really felt physically tired and honestly I was still ‘arguing with him’ a bit in my heart. I still found it difficult to believe some of the things He had said and so I just went, not knowing what to expect.

While everyone was praying for this particular issue, God spoke to me and told me to stop, saying I needed to be okay to pray with them, and that I should ‘get well’ first, so I stopped the general prayer and I started to pray for myself about how I was feeling and then God opened my understanding to the fact that my heart was being attacked by the devil and these thoughts were not mine but the devils way of deceiving me and trying to steal from me. That said, I started to pray for my heart and take my heart back from the devil so I just directed the general issues of prayer to myself and before you know it I was WELL and I was able to effectively join them in prayers. Since then I don’t believe such thoughts have found root in my heart, glory to Jesus!

There’s still a lot of ‘Spiritual stuff’ I could tell you about but let’s just say that’s enough for today the important thing is victory over the devil. If you’re a child of God , you should never settle for less.

So in other news, I got a new pair of glasses! So long story short, my old one got broken and even though I got it fixed, I decided it was finally time to get a new one. So I wanted it to be something new, fun, like an entirely different vibe than I’m used to and that’s how I ended up with red glasses oh… Lol but let me show you

What a fine girl looks like when she’s not even trying

I no fit lie give you, it’s rather bigger than I’m used to and sometimes I’m completely sure it suits me but I’ve decided ugly or pretty, it’s my glasses and I like it .

But one of the reasons I like it is how clear it is. I mean it’s like HD vision. Well the optician I went to actually said my old glasses was not very effective and I needed to get a higher prescription. Honestly, I was scared I argued and argued. I was like baba please don’t spoil my eye finish but he seemed pretty sure of himself so I took the dive oh and I must say, I’m still scared that my eyes may get too weak and reliant on my glasses but honestly, I have never seen the world quite like this. Everything I see is beautiful. The trees are so beautiful, people’s faces are so beautiful. I was looking at someone from afar yesterday and I was like I never knew he was this good looking, it’s almost like I never really saw his face. The day I got the glasses, I wrote in my planner: I don’t ever want to get used to this. I don’t want this to be become ordinary. This miracle, this beautiful miracle.

Moving on I have been astoundingly busy. I don’t even understand myself again I just have different things to do from different sides on one side it can get extremely exhausting. To the extent that I just even just accepted my fate and just got used to being tired all the time but it’s good to know I’m not alone, God is with me, I have people around me who are a blessing I mean just look at this lovely message someone sent me when I told them about how tired I felt :

I mean! I mean! All those beautiful, powerful words, won’t you sef be energized?

Yeah, yeah so I’m still busy I haven’t even been on any social media outside WhatsApp and I sincerely don’t even notice… Like no time. Even the WhatsApp sef I just dey air people left and right (leaving messages unanswered) I pray they forgive me sha but usually if it’s not urgent, I procrastinate a reply and then completely forget 丹撾儭.

But have no fear, this week I’m correcting my evil ways, and I’m going to try as much as possible to call people and reach out to them, one way or the other .

So in respect to this daily blogging thing, make I no lie give you, it’s not my thing like it’s not very convenient. I wanted to do it to release my thoughts and improve my writing but right now I sincerely have such pressing issues to deal with that I don’t even have time for thoughts. It’s okay though, maybe when I can, I’ll just do a long episode like this one.

So that’s it for today, this has been so much fun. Kindly forgive the many typos I am sure lie herein.

Have a good one cher穩, see you around歹

Day Six – Eight

Oops! Oops! Oops! Like where do I begin. I can’t believe I missed this for 3 while days but then again I actually know myself so I’m not really surprised.

Anyway let me give you a very brief run-down of the past few days.

On day Six, I went shopping. Hehehe… well, I actually wanted to get a new pair of glasses but I also wanted to get a few clothes and things but I only bought two skirts and a pair of slippers.

These are the slippers I got, isn’t it just the cutest thing

One of my skirts was too tight so I’m turning that into a bag please don’t ask me how.

So my eczema came back for those of you who don’t me well I tend to have severe recurring eczema that just messes with my skin a lot so I’m consistently trying to remedy it. They say they don’t know the cause, that it’s hereditary. Genes-1 Bolu-0. Anyway, I got baby wipes because while I’m treating my face for eczema, I can’t like… Sweat. So the baby wipes I bought is just so… Wholesome mehn! I mean, it smells like cute baby, it feels like a warm hug on my face, and it’s hypoallergenic (whatever that means)

Essentially it was mostly a good day.

Day Seven.

Had this weird insatiable hunger so I went out and had fried & jollof rice with a friend. Had some emotional turmoil here and there…. Umm I can’t really remember much (scratches head)

Day Eight

Ohh yeah I remember I was told I’m going to be writing an exam from last semester this semester on day 7 because my classes did so poorly allegedly. Truth be told, I hope it doesn’t happen because like who does that. Mama just add 10 marks like a normal lecturer. How will I be reading for first semester in second semester. Smh

Anyway, cuteness alert!!!

All this fineness just one person

So I took pictures today of my byurriful self, and honestly I want to do that a lot more. I want to hang loose and be flexible not just rigid and unapproachable. And trust me that doesn’t mean what it sounds like. Essentially I’m saying I want to be more friendly but still be myself and not compromise my beliefs. Oh well I’ve got the whole semester to see how far I go.

So this was fun I absolutely had fun writing this. See you when I see you friends 歹

Day Five : Only human

Hello there! How was your day? Mine was okay actually it was pretty good. I have no complaints. I bought 2 new books, hung out with friends and had the most beautiful conversations. Great day it’s just that…

I… I… Well. I’m a bit bothered. I’m a bit scared of everything that lies ahead. Everything I haven’t done. Everything that’s left undone. Sometimes I’m lazy, sometimes I’m negligent, sometimes I’m uninspired but I know even these are no excuses for this intense inertia. I want to do so much but feel so limited. I beat myself up a thousand times and I have lost a million and one boxing matches with myself. It’s very exhausting, this self-flagellation that I’m addicted to but I don’t know what else to do…

I… I… I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I am not a perfect person even though that’s all I want to be. I always feel like I don’t measure up… To who? To everyone else. All these perfectly obedient, perfectly yielded, perfectly Christian people. I feel like the black sheep sometimes in the multitude of saints. It’s something I’m trying to overcome.

Anyways, enough of this deep, dark stuff. Starting tomorrow, only beautiful things you will see here. Oh well till then.

See you when I see you, friend 歹

Day Four: Silly Girl

Hello there! I have a question for you, do you ever feel genuinely silly? Like thoughts you are thinking are absolutely ridiculous?

If your answer is yes? Then you must know how I feel tonight. I’m very bothered about so many things.

I need a few things, but mostly I just need time and space to sort things out from my head. I’m so bothered about myself, my tendencies and inadequacies. I just want every thing to go well to go according to God’s plan. I don’t want to be lazy or negligent. I want to do my best for Jesus. I’m just…

The future… Who knows what the future holds. There’s no one I can tell about these doubts and worries of mine besides God. Not because of any special reason, there’s just no one else.

I have so many things to do but I haven’t started one. And I don’t have time.

I worry a lot too about whether I am achieving purpose, whether I am living up to potential, whether I am a good enough friend.

All these thoughts tire me out and I just want the world and everything to stop. In times like these I like to stop and look to God for strength.

Save me quick Papa, I’m drowning in my thoughts

Day Three : Sick

Hello there! My beautiful people this is the third day of July and would you believe I fell sick today. (I wish I felt as enthusiastic as I sound)

So I woke up this morning with this weird feverish kind of cold vibe so I really struggled with getting out of bed to do some work I have to do and the thing is whether I like it or not, I have all this work to do!!!

Well I eventually got myself out of bed, had a bath even did some of my work but then that fever really began to catch up with me so I took a break and read this beautiful book titled the girl with a louding voice by Abi Dare. It was such a good read it focused on so many problems women face and I absolutely loved how vocal it was about those problems. I really want to do a review on it because I feel like it deserves one.

Anyway, I got back to work, I mean to more work which was about when I found myself Laden with ‘woman problems‘ of my own. It made a bit of a jerk to people around me so sorry to those people.

Long story short though right now I’m tired. I feel like had a good day and I thank God.

Till next time friends, see you when I see you 歹

Day Two : Oops

I’m actually writing day two’s entry on day three because I forgot to write earlier and when I did, I was just too tired to do anything.

And now I can’t even remember what I wanted to write. I think it was something about my moods and how I have the most interesting mood swings because of my temperament.

Now I know I sound like an ancient being talking about temperaments but hear me out, I actually truly believe in the whole temperament system of categorising introverts and extroverts. It may be a little outdated and simplistic but for me it’s spot on. I just believe it really describes me.

For instance, I’m primarily Phlegmatic with just the right amount of Melancholic (or is it the other way round now, see me sef I don’t know)

The point is I get sad easily like very easily but overtime I’ve learned how to prevent myself from staying sad and I’m always looking for a way forward I hate self-pity so I may just beat myself up and move on.

Anyways, I’m a work-in-progress and er… I’m okay with that. I don’t know what else I was supposed to write but this what I did write.

Later, see you when I see you 歹

Day One: Happy New Month

Hello there! Happy new month. How has it been with you? Me… Well it’s been a slightly confusing time for me. But recently, I see more clarity coming my way but I’ll tell you about it all in a bit.

So I’ve decided to start writing here again and I’ve decided I’m going to write whatever I want, however I want it because this little corner of the internet is mine, and I can do whatever I please with it *shrugs in satisfaction.

So this exercise is for the whole of July, which means I’m supposed to write something here every day in July.

I would have written something more detailed but I’m really tired as at the time I’m writing this. Essentially, what I want to say is I’m here and I would love for us to go on this little adventure together.

See you when I see you, friend 歹

Commitment issues

If there is no fear in love
Then why are we so scared of each other
Why don’t I want to be with you
Why don’t I want to be near you
Why does the very thought of you overwhelm me
Overwhelms me so much that I don’t want to think about you
About your existence
About your presence
But you must know darling, that I love you
I think I do.
I mean I ought to
But that frightens me too
I mean, what if I don’t.
What will you do if I don’t love you?
But I don’t want you to go
What if after you nobody comes
What if it’s not just you
And I am just this way
What if the next person comes
And I still feel the same
I still feel afraid

I’m back friends 歹

7 things I’m proud of myself for doing this 2020.

Disclaimer : This is unedited, kind of messy and boring. Enjoy!

1. Improving my handwriting : My handwriting has always been lit to be honest but this break, I did the impossible, I made my handwriting more beautiful. Okay seriously the thing is I kept writing and writing(cos I think better by writing) so I guess with all that ‘practice’ my writing just improved as well.

2. Not losing my dialect: So just before the whole covid situation I hadn’t been with my parents for more than about two months at most for a really long time. This was showing on my ability to speak our native language because they are literally the only ones I speak it with.

It wasn’t easy at first. I kept struggling to make complete sentences and when I failed I would eventually revert back to English. I could almost feel my dad face-palming internally when I did this. Luckily I made it and I may not be an expert but hopefully I’ll be able to pass it to my kids.

3.Upping my Semo and Amala game: yeah that’s right, I learned how to perfectly (okay maybe not perfectly) make Semo and Amala I actually hate these foods so this talent is kind of useless but at least my parents like it so maybe not a complete waste.

4.Became a podcast person : So I found a lot of new interests and one of them is listening to podcasts. Honestly I don’t listen to that many but so far my favorite is definitely No Stupid Questions by freakonomics radio.

5. Designed a bit, enjoyed it: This is kind of a long story, but the short version is somewhere along the way, I found canva and fell in love with making designs and I have a few good ones tbh.

6. Read more books : reading is without a doubt one of my biggest hobbies and I’m really glad I got to do more of it with all the spare time I had. I’m not sure but I think Ive read at least 30 books this year(may not have finished all though ) .

7. UTTERLY : So I actually started this blog last year cos I wanted to write more and tell stories. Last year I had 2 followers now I have 40, I had about 36 views last year , this year I have close to 1000 from so many different beautiful countries. I’m really proud of this and glad it happened and I’m glad you reading this are a part of that.

So this was supposed to be longer and better written but I’m kind of sick and kind of have other things to do in a very short space of time. But anyways, these were the little things that made me happy and even proud in 2020.

Thanks for reading friends. Wishing you a happy new year 歹

Thoughts and Stuff : Heyaa!

Hello there! So rumor has it, I abandoned WordPress for Medium. Lies all lies. I mean I did try writing there and I did enjoy it but I’m back home to my baby.

So anyways, remember when I said I would follow the schedule, we’ll I’m sorry guys I tried but I guess fate is against me being a regular blogger. So I’ll just have to scrap the schedule and write what I want to write when I want to write it(which sadly may not that often).

Hope you guys can forgive me. So I’m still doing the series Unfixable but this week there was no entry due to some personal issues and by that I mean my mom got sick and I had to take care of her and now I’m sick.

Anyways, the year is almost over and I have a ton of things I want to write of which I will ensure I publish before 2021. So at least I can make up for lost time.

That’s about that on that but I also, just want to say thank you for being here. You have made 2020 remarkable different. Thank you 歹.

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