LETTING GO: RELICS FROM A PAST LIFE
Dear Diary,
This University thing is not as easy as I hoped it would be. So far I’ve spent a month and 4 days (better believe I’ve been counting)!
I honestly thought once registration was over, we’d be done with the hard stuff but apparently, that was the beginning because university itself is just a synonym for stress from increased workload to neverending assignments to demanding extracurricular…ay! crazy!
But I must confess, school’s not all bad, it’s also kind of fun especially the extracurriculars. I joined my school’s ‘poet society’ and there’s a lot of really talented, well spoken people there.
There aren’t a lot of fresher students though. I think there are only 5 freshers myself inclusive but in general I think there were about 25 active members before we joined, and 40 participatory members in total.
I particularly found the president charming. Her name is Kachi. she’s so brilliant and elegant. she does spoken with such prowess- a true wordsmith!
The Poet’s Society is something I’m absolutely grateful for since I don’t have that many friends yet.
It really has been quite lonely without my family and old friends. I only noticed how lonely I was recently because of an old friend of mine, Fabian Emmanuel.
Fabian was a really good friend of mine in secondary school. He didn’t call me Zoë or Zoella like everyone else, he called me Zeta (which really is just an acronym of all my names Zoella Ezinne Tochukwu Agwu) . He sometimes even called me ‘Catherine Zeta Jones’ after the actress as a joke.
And truth be told, I actually quite liked Fabian then. We were never in a relationship, I don’t think we ever spoke about it or considered it, but I always liked him I never knew if he felt the same. In the final days of SS3 though, those feelings disappeared with the euphoria of graduating and the excitement of uni. And so we’ve only remained friends.
Recently however, we reconnected. This was my doing, I called him a lot and we message a lot. We talk often although it often feels stale or forced. Like we are both becoming different people. I feel bad because I only reconnected with him out of loneliness.
Truth be told, I feel like I’m only clinging desperately to the only familiar thing I know. A familiar feeling from my past life where everything was simply and easy. But that isn’t fair to Fabian is it? If I’m only getting close to him because of what he reminds me of and not because of who he is, do I even really care about him?
I think I have to let go of something that doesn’t exist anymore. I’m not high school Zeta anymore, I’m in the university now and I have to embrace that fully.
Utterly... 🦋 